Remember the days before marriage (for those married)? Remember dating your spouse and thinking this marriage thing is going to be great?! You got married, then pregnancy and little humans came into the equation.
Yeah well, our love story is a little different. We entered marriage with three kids and at the time they were big kids. However, I can tell you NOW with the toddler and infant added to the equation this is very new for us. We have to be diligent about making time for love and time for our marriage. Implementing date nights every week is important for us because it gives us an opportunity to check in with one another. Do you check in with your spouse outside of your children? This is an area many marriages struggle with because its easy to do without realizing it's happening. We get so caught up in the mundane that somehow we forget about ourselves and one another.
Last week the media had a great time with Ayesha Curry sharing her christian views of putting her husband NBA Champ Steph Curry before their three children. Many people shared their perspectives on the topic. These views ranged from complete support, to people thinking she was neglecting her children. I completely agree with Ayeesha, when your marriage is good, you are in a better mental space to parent.
Lets Talk, What This Means For Blended Families.
The lines can get a blurry in step families because of the obvious, there are children that are not biologically connected to you and your spouse. Basically, putting your child that's not biologically connected to your spouse, second, may come with eye rolling and snarky comments. However, you have to be confident and comfortable that you are npt neglecting your child. Communication is key here.
Having to consult with external parties outside of the marriage is hard work, especially when the communiation is not efficient. This comes with decisions and points of views that spouses may not necessarily agree with. Due to the complexities of these situations, its important that you respect and trust your spouses decision making abilities because it can resurface in your marriage. This is why those date nights are important. While I do believe in scripture, some modern day families (like mines) require a couple addendums with how they operate. My husband and I always consult with one another when we make decisions with our children. Nevertheless, since we do have children outside of one another its crucial that we check in with them (the children) and make sure that their needs are being met because resentment can build up and cause conflicts.
Co-Parenting is not for the faint hearted. It's a lot of hardwork and it can be exhausting because expectations are in place by many adults. Bouncing between the likings of one household to another can be complex and this is why my acronym C.O.R.E (Cohesiveness, Optimistic, Respect, Effort) embodies the components needed to keep in mind for a successful (not perfect) co-parenting situation.
As we head into the month of love by kicking off National Spouses day tomorrow (Jan26), keep in mind ways you can keep your marriage on full throttle. I know valentines is all about candies and cards on the surface but it's a reminder all month long to remember LOVE. When you blend your family don't forget to add in extra scoops of love to carry you through those challenging seasons.
Happy Friday! Check out my Insta Stories to see what's brewing with my family today!