It was the fall/winter and my daughter was two years old. I had sorta fell for a guy. This was my first time having a real interest in someone I thought was worth getting to know ME further (this part may upset those that thought there was a chance. ouch.) However, contemplating how this would fit into my lifestyle as a single mom thats is actively dating was going to be tough to manage.
You see, the way I went about my breakup with my daughters father was not particularly an ethical one (and I had my reasons). I have a tendency to have the ability to leave a situation and not look back once I have made my decision. While I arrogantly pat myself on the back (thinking girl, you are a savage), this is a gift can be a particularly subpar way to handle things. Through this, I was aware of the difficulties that would come with this new phase of motherhood I was exploring, but I was not certain how it would actually look. FOR SURE I did commit to myself that meeting my daughter was not on the table just yet.
For mothers this is a decision that seems to reach a point that can impede your ability to move forward in your new found Boo-ship (this is someone that you are dating and you really like but moving forward with the official title hasn’t been solidified.). Its difficult. Navigating the dating scene or a new found love interest in the face of being a mother presents some interesting feelings, and learning how to properly set the parameters can feel like you are being stretched thin.
You are trying to protect your child and their feelings, simultaneously you are actually trying to do the same for yourself. Stay steadfast and keep your head in the game because recently, there has been an influx in boyfriends harming their girlfriends child and its disturbing.
Fast forward a year, my three year old met the guy. It was a leap of faith and honestly, I did it because it finally felt appropriate (A mother’s intuition give you those instincts). Waiting a year is not my message though, because I understand everyone's circumstances are different and the dynamic can alter these kinds of timelines. My message is, count the costs and use wisdom.
Dating as a single mama is all about your intention. My recommendation is to keep your children out of the equation until you have gained equity in the company of the individual you are dating. Basically, if its a boo-ship, you should probably hold off a bit...your children deserve the respect. Children have feelings and the last thing you want is for them to become attached to your love interest that is no longer interesting. Additionally, you don’t want to move so fast that your child (if they are older) question your speed dating skills. What you are looking for is comfort. Comfort in knowing the relationship is in a solid place and has the potential to progress forward. Comfort in knowing that your child feels comfortable and safe in the company of the love interest. Comfort in feeling you are making a sound decision that doesn’t jeopardize your relationship with your child.
My situation had some bumps. The relationship was far from perfect and I had moments even after a year, that made me question if my daughter should interact with this new love interest because I was fearful it wouldn’t work out. I confess, I can be pessimistic because I don’t like to be let down by the hands of others, especially if I could have circumvented the situation. Consequently, there was no other way to determine how this potential step father would work out. Besides, I had kept him all to myself for a year to determine the validity of it all and to examine my intent as well. I can’t lie, in the beginning things were not crystal clear but one day it would be.
We got married.