For some people, the thought of their immediate ex or the father/mother of their child(ren) getting married makes them ill. As for me, I am pretty excited. I am excited because I do believe that marriage can bring out the very best in people and everyone deserves it. More importantly though, I know he has always wanted to be married and the time is right. He is marrying a beautiful woman and I think it's very important that I am supportive in this union and their marriage. Not because they are looking for validation and acceptance from me but more so, its healthy for the co-parenting relationship.
When you have children with someone who you are no longer with, their happiness is important. It has an indirect effect on you through the eyes and emotions of your child(ren). It's imperative that we want to see our ex get married or reach a level in life where they are happy. When we hold on to animosity and old feelings, things can ricochet and we look bitter. Being the bitter ex or babymama is not the move sis/bro!
My child's father getting married signals maturation and leveling up and I am here for it! When I made the decision to end the relationship, I always had hopes he would find someone that would be a better fit for him and someone he could grow old with. These relationships are very important mamas! You have to let go of those old feelings and release your anxieties. Your ex’s life is no longer about you and the things you want, it is about them and the trajectory that they have set for their lives.
My daughters father and I have a great relationship now, and it took TIME, lots of TIME! Our relationship is more like...cousins in a weird way. We attended the same high school, he was my date to my prom, so quite naturally, we know a lot of the same people. With this, occasionally when we see each other, we catch up on gossip from high school and dish on things we know. When he shared with me that he was going to marry the woman he had only been dating for 6 months (at the time) I was IMPRESSED! Then I asked all of the questions, not deep one but the normal things. How old is she, what does she do, does she have children, just those basic questions. I could gather from his excitement this was the real deal. He showed me a picture of them and I said oh yeah, she’s the one (my intuition works like that). About a year later he proposed and the rest will be history next month!
Ladies and Gents, you need to see your ex happy. You need to see them flourish. Not only is this important to you but it's detrimental for your children. We have a tendency to fall into a slump where we are negative about the other person and their choices, so much so, that we neglect to think about the positive. Encourage happiness, let the person know you are rooting for them! You actually, don’t realize how much of an influence you can have on the other person. They may not tell you but people are always watching.
The reality is...
Co-parenting is hard enough. LET ME TELL YOU...I have a double dose of the fun. However, while some situations lack for reasons that are not directly your own, there are some that actually work beautifully.
...You may be thinking
This is easy for me to say because I am married. Well, perhaps it is, but No. My husbands ex was married before us. We were over the moon with excitement. Their marriage was what we needed because it's always best when your ex has a life partner or serious steady relationship. We were rooting for their love because we understood the impact it had on us indirectly.
Here's a secret...
The sooner one person is married or in a serious relationship the sooner you can FULLY move on and have less drama to deal with. TRUST ME. I wouldn't lead you astray sis! MOVE ON!
In my case...
This wasn't necessarily the our situation because we hadn't been in a relationship in ages. But I see it time and time again, when both parties have a mate (not just a place holder but a real solid relationship) it makes transitions smoother.
My daughters dad is getting married and I am really happy for both of them. If your child’s other parent is getting married you should be happy too. The relationship may not have worked out according to plan for the two of you but it's important the both of you find companionship to do life with. Starting today, change your mindset. IF the other parent of your child is happy, it makes for an even better relationship for them and the child. This is no longer about you, so get over it! Look to new beginnings and leveling up in love and in relationships.
...and yes, my husband and I will be at the wedding!