Open Letter To Some of The Moms I Have Been

This is an open letter to some of the moms I have been. I hope you find pieces of you in these moms and find it liberating to be you and find the silver lining in those struggles along with, basking in those wins. Find the mom that may speak to your situation.

Baby Wearing

The Teen Mom: Listen, this is going to be a difficult road. You are young and you have must grow up really quickly. I don’t say this to frighten you but more so, to prepare you for the journey ahead. You have made the commitment to be responsible for a child for the rest of its life, and that is a huge deal. My advice to you is to look to the future. Look forward and don’t look back. People will try to remind you of the past. They will try to remind you about all of the things you could have done or be without a child in tow. I am here to remind you that it is still possible. Your journey may not look like everyone else, however, all of those things you want to do and be, they are possible and definitely within your reach just as much as that rattle or bottle. Grow up and Go Get It!

College Days

The Single Working Mom: It's hard I know. You are probably tired of arriving late to work or arriving late to pick up your kiddo from school/daycare/aftercare. You are working that job and you feel it is a stepping stone to taking you where you need to go in your career. I know you feel alone. You are trying to put the food on the table and grasp the attention of your superiors at the office, with hopes they can see how great you are. Unfortunately, they don’t see it because you have priorities. Staying at the office late hours on a Tuesday probably isn’t the move, because your child has an afterschool activity and you are the only one that can make it happen. You feel low. Newsflash, you are far from low. You are an exceptional woman. Every day you get up and you are like magic. You make things happen for your kid(s) and it's done like magician. Your current situation is temporary. VERY TEMPORARY. The next five years feels like eternity and you probably can't see it BUT things will shift and your current situation will be the driving force behind your success. Hold on girl, your harvest is coming.

The Girls

The Dating With A Kid Mom: Oh Girl. You probably have so many people in your ear. You have some who probably think you are going about this the wrong way. I bet there is someone telling you, you have been with him too long to not have a ring, or they are telling you, you shouldn’t have him around your child(ren) as much as you do because he hasn’t made a solid commitment (proposal). The reality of it is, they are probably telling the truth. The reality is also, you have to use wisdom and move at a pace that does not cause your child to be the sacrificial lamb of the situation. You know what you need to do. Pray often, I know this season can either feel like a transition for the good or bad is on the horizon. Be upfront. Be transparent. Be direct. Just don’t rush yourself into a situation. You are looking for someone that is worthy of you and your child's attention, know your worth and demand it.

Its not the most clear picture (Blackberry photos days). This is while my husband and I were dating.

The Step Mom: Your heart is pure. If you have shifted into a situation where you have committed to a person and their children, you love unconditionally. Remember, you know you are not trying to replace another woman, you are merely stepping in place to take care of business when she is not around. Additionally, you are an extension of your spouse. Just know these situations aren’t always perfect or cut and dry. Some people STEP into situations that are seamless and others are come with more STUFF to unpack. Share your voice, you do not have to be mute in the situation. You are not the biological mother however, you are still an adult in the situation. There will be moments when you need to be silent, in this case, that does not devalue who you are and the pureness of your heart as you STEPped into the situation. You are brave and you are STILL a MOM!

Oldest Kiddo and Youngest Kiddo

The New Mom: First, congratulations. Second, everything will be okay. You may be feeling a little overwhelmed, and you don’t want others to know. I get it. Just remember, it is okay to ask for help and receive help. Motherhood is all very new to you and despite what the blogs or the neighbors may say, you have to find your way, in a way that works for you. Pace yourself and don’t stress about your weight or if you should breast or bottle feed. It takes 9 months to pack on the pounds, so give yourself a year to see results of any kind. Oh, and fed is definitely better! Not all women are comfortable with breastfeeding and that is okay. Don’t stress yourself. Enjoy your new blessing and grab coffee often, it's totally okay if you do!

Christmas Eve!

The Special Needs Mom: It's not easy, and you knew it wouldn't be. That doesn't dismiss that you are still struggling. Its okay to have those feelings. Its okay to feel depleted like you feel a bit inadequate. I can't let you off that easy though. You are are completely adequate. God placed this child in your life because he saw something in you that suggested a woman of fortitude. Through the pain you feel, there is courage. People will stare, just keep your head held high and run your race. Learn a lot about your child's condition and be a warrior! Caveat: My special needs son is my stepson, however, he does live with us during the week and I am present in all facets of decisions for him.

When it was just Jaylah and I we would dress alike often.

The Student Mom: Girrrllll. It's complicated right? You are doing this for yourself and also to set an example for the kid(s) but my gosh, you wonder if you are doing the right thing. Well, you are! It's not going to be easy because nothing ever is. Prioritize and plan! You have to be a stickler for planning your time adequately. You have your kiddo(s) and and you have your schoolwork. You got this! If you need help, don't be afraid to call on people, you will need it. Don't over exert yourself because you feel you have to do it alone. Some people can and some can't and either way, your goal is graduation. Go for it girl, you are tenacious!

The Mom of Toddlers: Listen, you are in the trenches. I know because I am back in that stage too. You are dealing with tiny humans that have found their voice, ability to walk and you are in the thick of potty training. Oh, girl, you are exhausted. You run around, you step on toys, you play dress up, you play pirate ship, you wipe away tears and you endure the embarrassment of tantrums in public. Its TEMPORARY. Your feelings are validated though! These years go by so fast. I know it may not feel like it but TRUST me, my oldest is driving and I somedays try to remember how did we get here so fast! Take time for yourself. I don't care if you sit in the car. Just take moments to decompress before you unleash the beast! When they are testing your patience, take a timeout with them and just reset and reboot. Leave the laundry, leave the dishes and the toys and get your headspace together. You are doing great!

Toddler Life

Motherhood is a whole situation. You have days when you feel a high and days when you feel really low. Just give it your very best, if you need help, ask for it. Text my Motherhood Hotline if you want prayer or just to vent, I got your back girl!

Wedding Day

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