Let’s set the tone if you will, you are six weeks postpartum. Your breasts are engorged, leaky and they are extremely sore. You have a newborn kid, you may even have another child or two (or four in my case). Your libido is at an all time low and although your partner looks more than delectable, you can’t pull yourself together to be intimate. The thought has crossed your mind and for some reason the drive seems to have diminished leaving you in a weird state and potentially feeling guilty.
Let’s just say you are ready! You have gotten your six weeks discharge papers and you are a hot box waiting to throw yourself at your spouse, that is until you take that special shower (you know the kind before it goes down) and you look at yourself to only find things have really changed a bit. Your breasts are headed on that midnight train to Georgia and stretch marks have confirmed you are indeed a TIGER MOM. Basically, you do not feel confident or in any way desirable enough to be naked in the company of your spouse, heck, barely with yourself. Although your spouse has not made one complaint about your new mother-bod, YOU have realized your body has changed in more ways than you imagined, making you feel a bit saddened and depressed.
YOU ARE NORMAL
Take your time after you have the baby. Give yourself the permission to be human and not a superhero always in uniform. Share with yourself the gift of grace to feel a real insecurity. Additionally though, look into ways to combat those feelings. In many cases it may take time however, if you feel comfortable, perhaps sharing those feelings with your husband may be ideal...even your mom or BFF.
While allowing yourself to become acclimated to your “new normal,” remember it's a process. You could feel better tomorrow or it may be next year. However, during this process I have a couple agenda Items for you.
Call your doctor. Share how you are feeling and perhaps they can shed more light.
Share this with your spouse (if you are up to it ) or share this with a good girlfriend.
Write down your feelings in a journal
Speak with a therapist to share those postpartum woes
Exercise. Yoga, Pilates or a walk (park, mall or your neighborhood). The point is, start moving around if the doctor gives your the green light.
Rid of the comparisons to the people on social media.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE
Just because you had a baby and your six weeks has rapidly approached, doesn’t mean you are automatically hot and ready to hop in those sheets. It's no secret that confidence is a key ingredient for performance. If you are not confident about your body or if the post baby blues have you in a funk, don’t stress yourself out. Rather, consult with people you trust. If your spouse is still showing interest, the good news is, you still got it girl. The real deal is, this doesn't mean you still have to do! Despite it all, you are part of the equation as well. YOU should feel better about yourself again and you deserve it!. Sex shouldn’t be chore like washing dishes.
HE IS STILL CHECKING FOR YOU
If your man is a real one. He is still checking for you, GIRL!. Chunkier thighs, tiger stripes, leaky breasts and all those mood swings, he STILL want it! Be patient with yourself mama. Feeling comfortable in your body is a journey.
MEN..BECAUSE I KNOW THERE ARE 18% OF YOU CHECKING IN ON THE BLOG
Affirm your woman! Let her know you do see those changes, you STILL love her the way she is. Let her know you do UNDERSTAND that the changes may be challenging to her and you don't want her to feel insecure or undesirable because of it. IF after this conversation she is still struggling, that's OKAY. Let her know that you are just as much part of the journey as she is. Remind her why your love transcends beyond some of those changes...You just might get lucky.
Motherhood is hard and when you top it off with marriage and sex, you can feel like a fish out of water. We have been gifted the lie that after marriage your sex life is this unending lust filled hump fest, I guess those folks didn’t account for the children, the work of marriage and careers...basically LIFE!
Sex for women can feel like a spiritual warfare when we don’t feel confident in our bodies and when the load of the household is heavy. We have to remember to give ourselves time to get back in the swing of things and an opportunity to figure out how to process all of the changes. On the blog Wednesday, we will tackle Date Nights. How to incorporate them into your relationship, make them financially feasible and how it can initiate intimacy.