Reunited and it feels so good...or does it? Did you know the golden hour for couples is really 6pm (or whenever the last spouse makes it in from work)? I recently read this in an article in The Mindful Life: Finding Peace While Raising Children (Parents Special Edition Magazine). Psychotherapist Daphne De Marneffe, PH.D shared, when parents have been away from one another since the morning, when they return home during the evening hours, it's the time to mindfully reconnect.
Now, let's stop for a moment, think about how you and your spouse reconnect in the evening. Is it in frustration? Is it with joy? Is it passive? What is the overall sentiments? Basically, how do you feel when your spouse walks in from work?
Personally, I look forward to the “Love Hour.” If you are a stay at home mom, I am pretty sure you feel the same way. Being home with children during the day...all day is exhausting. When your spouse arrives, you feel as if you are being released. Its true! You have another set of eyes, arms and an overall human being to shift the weight you have been carrying around all day. If you are a working mom, chances are you have picked up the children, got dinner started and got a jumpstart on homework...or you may have sat through a practice or two and you are completely depleted for the evening. You are exhausted. Truthfully speaking, we are all exhausted!
It's unbelievable but the time your spouse returns home, is the first time in nearly 10 -12 hours, you have locked eyes. This is the true love hour because it should be during this time you reconnect with your spouse and decompress.
Here are three ways you can be a bit more intentional about the Love Hour in your relationship.
Reunited and It Feels So Good - Make the reconnect after the work day a pleasant one. I know, with dinner to prepare and bathtime to jumpstart, you are probably not completely focused on a “kumbaya” moment. Listen, if you want to ease the drama of the day, believe me it works. Greet one another pleasantly. Share something good before you get into drama that transpired during the day. A simple kiss is a great way to break the ice or a joke.
Me - I allow my kids to bombard my husband. Yes, I do this because it allows me the quick moment I need to place his food on the table. For my marriage, this works. My husband likes to eat so the kids rushing to him is a temporary interaction before he heads to the table.
Unplug Technology - I laugh as I type because this is a department I struggle with. However, I do know how to put down the phone when I absolutely need to. When you reunite with your spouse after ten hours of being apart, give the phone and or laptop a break for about 45 minutes. Allow you guys the opportunity to reconnect and engage in a meaningful interaction before the bedtime routine ensues. Just place the phone on the charger, this way it doesn't seem too bad (LOL)!
Turn Off The Lights - Back in the day, going to bed at the same time was “normal.” In present day, we have shifted away from a synchronized bedtime rituals and we are hopping into bed for the night at different times (if in the same bed at all). This is primarily because we are tapped into other work/businesses affairs or caught in the social media matrix. Consider going to bed at least once or twice a week together. Not only is this a way to invite intimacy, it gives you a great opportunity to connect and decompress.
Me - DISCLAIMER: He's going to love this! I have noticed when we fall asleep together it's a more restful night. It's not as restless and it's a great segway to falling asleep a lot quicker, rather than falling asleep alone with my millions of mom - thoughts and to do lists.
Listen, we all know relationships aren't easy and when you throw children in the mix, things can become a bit more complicated than you initially imagined. Marriage is work and sometimes we have to take initiative. A couple random acts of kindness should always be on the agenda. IF we can be quick to perform acts of kindness and share them on social media, we should be able to do it within the home. This is definately NOT going to create any sort perfect marriage situation however, it is a great way to at least reside on the same wavelength. "Can't let this thing call love get away from you." - Mary J. Blige
How do you and your spouse reconnect when you reunite?